A Season of Mystery and Pain

Let me tell you, I love a good mystery. Whether it be in a movie, show, a game or even in real life. I have found myself always wanting to be like a detective. Even with the smallest of things I will put my detective hat on and go and solve it. A lot of my life, (especially as of late) I have realized that my life is like one big mystery game. It is kind of fun, because each day there are new things to solve. And I am being serious about this, there are so many fun mysteries to sit and figure out. I think it is what helps me be more mindful of things around me. What really gets me though is the mystery of this particular season. I can’t begin to explain what makes it so mystery like, but I will try.

 

If you were to ask me how I feel about the Christmas season, my response would be, it is my favorite time, but also the hardest. Over the past years I have found myself wanting to get through Christmas quick. It’s as if a few years ago a trigger switched and now all that Christmas does to me is hurt and causes me to remember old memories. The pain I feel during this season I know I can’t explain and that is because I haven’t figured it out myself. It is in this time of pain that I find myself sitting and wondering. The pain ever increases when I realize that I don’t have money to buy family or friends gifts or when I just come up with excuses why I can’t.

 

The other thing that causes both pain and mystery is the nostalgia this season brings. Yes, I understand that I am not that old, but when I begin to remember my childhood, I usually can’t speak. I’ll be honest, when certain movies come on, I begin to go back and I will remember watching it for the first time. Sometimes all it takes is looking at the Christmas tree and all sorts of things come flooding on back. The thing is I don’t really understand why this time of year I find myself lost, but I do know that I have no choice but to hold on tightly to Christ. The peace He has given me during this time has covered all the pain and for that I am grateful. So, let the mysteries continue, because I am ready.

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