Ahead I will move and ahead I shall go. Way to often I find that instead of running my life looking ahead I run my life always looking behind me. As I enter a new year I realize that I have been running from many different things for the past twenty years. So instead of looking ahead I have been looking behind. Watching as my fears, sins, pains and struggles and lies all chase after me with relentless pursuit. It feels as if I am running in the dark, where all I know how to do is look back for the “monsters”. Each of these “monsters” have played a role in my life that has caused me to live my life scared and protected by my bubble.
Fear has caused me so many problems over my entire life. Has there been One day where I haven’t seen fear on my tail? Nope! Whether it be small things or big things, I find that I spend half my life fearing. Sin, the dark and scary “monster”, it is the one that frightens me the most. If it catches me, I feel as if I have failed and let Christ down and also others around me. It has caught up to me way too many times and all it does is hurt and weigh me down. Pains and struggles, the one that hurts and causes so much confusion. To me it’s not even that it catches up to me, but that they seem to capture everyone around me and I don’t know what to do. I watch as people around me get “caught” yet run the race with great faith and perseverance.
Then I look at my life, what I see is someone who is living their life in the comfortable bubble, running a race the opposite of the others all while never seeming to be caught by this “monster” called pain and struggle. Oh, the cunning and most frightening “monster” of them all, LIES! Lies are the reason I pursue most things with fear attached or why I do things half mass. You’re not good enough! (Christ is though) You will never amount to anything! (Christ says otherwise) You aren’t smart! (Christ says otherwise) You are a joke! (Christ says otherwise) Not one person has ever directly said these lies to me, but the thing is, they have said them just with a few word changes and some actions. What have I done in turn? I Believed.
As I go into this new year I am reminded of two things. First, these “monsters” will stop at nothing to catch me and snatch me up. They will continuously call out my name, looking for me to turn my head around, just so that they can capture me. Secondly, I am reminded of God’s Faithfulness through ALL twenty years of my life. He hasn’t once left me, even as I sit in my comfort bubble or when I curl up in fear. The Lord has never forsaken, nor will He ever forsake. I can choose to go into this new year continuing to look behind me and worrying about the future, but my plea first to myself and also to you all is, let’s look ahead to now. Now, where Christ has placed us, where we must Always Glorify Him and tell of His Wondrous Deeds. Ahead to Now is about living our life where we are, not where we have been or where we might be.